Xuan Xuan the Hero

There is nothing quite like the sinking feeling of discovering that your new great idea has been thought of before. Since there is nothing new under the sun, the more you read, the more often you will be subjected to that feeling. Putting together Xuan Xuan's story, I wanted to pull all of the best elements from my favorite epic adventures and apply them to her experiences. This week, I learned that I was re-developing Joseph Campbell's "Hero With A Thousand Faces" theory. Sigh. At least I was on the right track. It is apparently a very widely applauded theory.

So, following Peter Jackson's LOTR principle that the story wavered whenever the the focus strayed from the hero, I return to Xuan Xuan's adventure. According to Campbell, a hero's story begins in the ordinary. Check. Like many heros, Xuan Xuan's true origins are murky, her parentage unknown. But the known story begins by confirming that her early days were spent in a humble environment, in the care of loving people.

There is then a call to adventure, which the hero initially rejects. Epic heroes are almost always forced to pursue their adventure. Few go out searching for excitement. Usually their home is destroyed, or, as is usually the case with child heroes, the adventure begins with a kidnapping. The invading army, slavetraders, gypsies, or in this case, adoptive parents, then take the child by force so far away from home that return is impossible even if they escaped. Check.

The hero usually has a mentor in his new world, and once he accepts that relationship, he crosses some sort of threshold and accepts his role as hero. Check. Although Xuan Xuan resisted with a hero's force, by the time we left Guangzhou, she had accepted the new reality of her life. Surrounded by Chinese adults who called us her mama and baba, and a 40 story hotel full of white parents with Chinese babies, she began to call us mama and baba. Together we traveled for 24 hours before the crossing the threshold of her new home, which she recognized and accepted immediately.

Adventures follow, in which the hero faces numerous tests and acquires helpers. This is likely to take most of the next year for Xuan Xuan. Like many heroes, Xuan Xuan began her adventures recklessly. With no hope of returning to her ordinary life, she was fearless and aggressive. She tried to keep up with much older kids on the playground equipment, climbing too high and too fast. At home she pushed mama on the swings hard enough to tip the swingset onto its back legs. When she bumped her head or fell down she seldom noticed. Then one day, like many a warrior before her, whose rage has driven them far into the enemy's ranks, her head cooled and she looked up to find herself surrounded. Anger turned to fear.

Suddenly, the girl who loved the zipline is afraid of the merry-go-round. One slide that she used to go down headfirst now requires mama's handholding. She first used the word "hai pa" (scary) to describe the dark. A week later, even our FCC calendar sporting pictures of little Chinese girls received the label. Her early games were no more than experiments in physical ability. Happy as I am that she now plays imagination games, I wish that they did not so heavily feature wild animals roaming the streets of Fremont and Mr. Potatohead terrorizing her baby doll.

Bedtime is of course the biggest hai pa of all. Sometimes she is clearly terrified; like the time she woke up from a nap half an hour early and I wasn't in the room. Other times, she is clearly working an angle to avoid sleep; like the time the clock radio was too scary for bedtime. But there is a wide range in between where I cannot always identify whether she is genuinely afraid of something, generally insecure in her situation, or just trying to avoid a nap.

As with dozens of other concerns that arise for a hero's mentor each day, I find myself woefully unprepared to provide my hero the necessary assistance. Perhaps I am not really the mentor in this epic, but the sidekick narrator. As such, I will almost certainly fall into the camp that holds Watson, the bemused Passepartout, or even the "food for wolves" guy from Conan rather than ... Oh now that's interesting. A quick survey of competent sidekicks (Samwise Gamgee, Little John, Chewbacca) reveals that none of them felt the need to narrate. Now that requires some exploration.

Sleeping Beauty

I read a dog training book once that included a picture of a dog squatting to poop. The caption read, "To those who have struggled to housebreak their dogs, a dog pooping in the right place is a beautiful sight." If difficulty is a measure of beauty, then the sight of Xuan Xuan asleep in her bed at the foot of ours is a wonder.

It can take up to an hour to get her down for a nap, which often ends in something resembling night terrors only an hour later. Bedtime can often stretch out even longer. In one recent week there were two nights in which she woke every hour and one in which she woke (or woke us) on average every 25 minutes. I don't think she has ever finished a whole night in her own bed.

But the beauty of Xuan Xuan sleeping is more than just the satisfaction of a successful bedtime, or even the prospect of a well rested child the next day (which is truly glorious). Because Xuan Xuan awake is a handful, a pistol, a firecracker, a worthy adversary, a force of nature. Asleep, her face relaxes completely. Her mouth opens just enough to show tiny round teeth, and she is none of those things. Asleep, she is just a little girl. When she is sleeping I can watch a little girl who trusts and needs me more than anyone else in the whole world (although she likes Chris better).

When Xuan Xuan is asleep it is quiet. I sit in stillness and focus on her face as a mandala. In the minutes before she awakes or I fall asleep myself, I look into the face of love.

Om, and Zen What?

The concept of living in the moment has always been very compelling to me. Like the girl in "Our Town" I believe that life is precious and fleeting and we, like Thorough, should suck the marrow from every moment before moving on to the next one. I have worked hard to live this philosophy, but the truth is, I have always been more comfortable in the role of critical observer. I more naturally watch the dance than join in, and critique rather than create. Even on a snowboard or in a sparring match, I seldom silence the inner narrator who judges my decisions even as I make them.

So it came as a surprise to me when parenthood knocked me completely outside of myself and into the moment. Before Xuan Xuan, I thought of myself as organized and efficient; a multi-tasker. Whatever I was doing, a part of my mind was elsewhere, planning ahead, reviewing the past or working through some problem. Now there are days when I can't find time to shower, let alone think about myself. Many people have asked me how I like motherhood, and I've had to answer, "I haven't thought about it yet." Although I used to evaluate every conversation, every choice, every outfit, I have not considered this, the biggest change in my identity since my own birth.

For the first time in my life, I am too busy to think. Which is not to say that I am operating on instinct. Instinct isn't much good when you've got a dirty child who screams when you turn on the bathwater. My day is full of problems that instinct can't solve. With my mind occupied by logistical and psychological conundrums and my body set to toddler tracking, I am too absorbed by each moment to think about the moment.

Most people think that meditation is about spacing out, but it is actually about tuning in and being completely present in the moment. Now I know why monks meditate while sitting down. "Our Town" explained it, but I didn't get it until now. You can't actually be present in every moment because you'll burn out. Maintaining presence is exhausting. Having reached this state of Zen I can now say that everyone should visit, but you wouldn't want to live there. I can't actually savor life inside a moment. I need to pause between bites, consider the flavors, take notes, and criticize the chef. It takes more than the moment itself to fully appreciate a moment.

Some of the initial intensity in our new family has begun to cool. Xuan Xuan did some grieving last week, and compared to the initial grief cycles this looked like being a little cranky. Now I can take an occasional moment to look ahead. When I do, I look forward to the time when Xuan Xuan is settled in our family; when we have routines and habits that we perform thoughtlessly; when mundane activities are not epic challenges. When the day comes that I can take a day for granted, I am going to enjoy spacing out and thinking back, reflecting on how much our family was strengthened by the time when I was intensely, fully Zen-present in every moment.

A Picture Is Worth....

I haven't had time to write in a while, and although there's a lot I'd like to say, I still don't have time to write. So, if a picture is worth a thousand words, here are 187,000 words about Xuan Xuan:

Xuan_Xuan_Photo_Album

(I reposted the link, hopefully everyone can see it this time. It worked for me before, so I don't know what the problem is/was).

Sweet Sixteen

Today is the first day that I have been on a computer since the business center at the White Swan. Xuanxuan is sometimes precious and sometimes terrible, but especially now that we are home with the dog, she requires four eyes watching her at all times. Most days I prefer to join her when she naps instead of using the time to get caught up on housework or email. Bringing home a grieving three year old is not the same as bringing h0me a baby, and she keeps us on our toes at all times. Sorry folks, but returning your call or email is about number 37 on my list of things to do.

Right now, we seem to be on a three to four day grief cycle. For three or four days, things will go relatively smoothly with signs of "progress" each day. Then we'll have one terrible day full of tantrums and grief where nothing we do seems right and everything she does is spiteful. Yesterday was one of these days, and so was last Sunday. Sunday was the worst since the first day we met her. I kept reminding myself that we had only known each other for fifteen days. They were such an intense fifteen days that it was easy to forget how new the relationship is.

But Monday, the sixteenth day since we met Xuan, was golden. We didn't have a single tantrum all day (well, except for the requisite tears at bath time). She ate a vegetable. I got my first hug and she actually participated in bedtime kisses instead of obediently offering a cheek.

The rest of the week had its hits and misses, but never a dull moment. Some of the advances were more fun than others (yea, we have separation anxiety now). But she has really started mimicking us and trying out the English words. All fruit is banana, all cats are Shampoo. She has started saying "Wo am hungry" when she wants food. Chris is getting used to being called mama in public (she can't pronounce the letter B, so baba becomes mama. We are starting to be able to hear the tonal difference). It's hard for us to keep her busy all day, especially since her attention span is even shorter when she's sad, and she has such a knack for destruction. Everything in our house is new to her, and hence fair game for her dissecting curiousity. She passes through like a hurricane, and since she's exploring limits now too, any forbidden thing becomes an object of obsession. The last two days I've wondered if she thinks we are changing her name to "Bu yao" (no no).

Yesterday we added new fish to the tank and took her to her first toy store. Wednesday we went to the zoo. Once she let me carry her half a block home after she hurt herself. She watched Mulan in Mandarin with rapt attention and clapped at the end of the training sequence. She danced to the musical numbers in Bride in Prejudice. She loves to go on car rides with the windows down and headbangs to Fu Manchu. Last weekend she learned how to climb up the slide by herself. This morning she got her first time out when she pushed Oscar (the cat) off the stair landing, and afterwards she used hand signals to show that she understood what had just happened.

Who's That Girl?

The laptop got infected by a worm, so now I'm using the very expensive business center at the White Swan Hotel in Guangzhou and I'll try to be quick. On the third day, we met a new little girl. After breakfast, Xuan found the rubber ball that Chris uses for his back and we started playing catch. It was the first time she smiled at us, or played with us, without Zheng Hai. After that, things have improved by leaps and bounds, and we are starting to get to know the everyday Xuanxuan.

Xuan likes to play ball and climb things. She is physically adventurous in her play. She loves airplanes, trucks and boats, the bigger and faster the better. She likes waitresses in red silk cheongsam. She likes telephones and cameras. She likes looking at pictures of herself. My daughter's favorite food is a processed meat stick that you squeeze out of a tube like an otter pop. Her second favorite food is sausage. She loves to dance and specializes in ballet and a punk-like bouncing. She squealed with delight when she saw the snowboarders go airborne on TV. Chris was so proud he almost cried.

She does not like being restrained in any way, taking a bath, brushing her teeth or being picked up without her permission. Experienced parents in our group have assured us that she will be a handful. She certainly has a big personality.

Xuan is a big flirt and will smile and show off to anyone who talks to her, especially if they speak Mandarin. Everyone who meets her is charmed. She is a natural actress. When she doesn't like what is going on, she convincingly asks to go to the bathroom. She is very fastidious in her toilet habits and has had only one accident this week. Several times while playing monster she acted so frightened that we stopped, only to have her laugh at us for being such suckers. She is proving true to the comment of the orphanage worker who told us, "Xuan has always cried easy and laughed easy." Fortunately, her tantrums seldom last more than a minute, and half the time I think they are faked. We have called her bluff several times in the last two days and found that she is actually quite compliant if we don't back down after two or three good screams.

Yesterday was the first day since we met that we did not have to spend at least 5 hours waiting in government offices or in transit. We got to spend several hours in the playroom of the hotel and Chris spent half the afternoon with her by himself and they had lots of fun (she had been snubbing him since the day she started calling me mama). We didn't have a single temper tantrum all day. She only cried twice- once when she was scared at the doctor's office and once when she tripped and fell on her face. She didn't do a single embarrassing thing at dinner and impressed everyone in our group with her amazing dexterity using forks and glasses at the table. That was our first good day. Today promises to be similar, as she has begun to be very affectionate towards me. She is still a little standoffish to Chris, but he is her preferred play partner.

Note to grandmas- she is a 3T, but will be a 4T soon. The puffy pants that are made to fit over diapers are too big. Shoe sizes are not standardized here, so I don't know what she wears. She has sandals labeled 25, 26 and 27.

Letters From the Front

Time passes differently on the front than it does in the real world. We have been stationed at this position for just over forty eight hours but it is hard to remember that life existed before this. We are still green but having seen a great deal of action in this short time we already begin to harden. There is a second unit here that contains an experienced mom who is traveling without her spouse. We have already established a pattern of providing her logistical support while she provides invaluable tactical guidance. We also have the advantage that the children in both units have worked together before. Like a little old married couple they bicker over the TV remote. Xuanxuan strokes Zheng Hai's hair when he cries, and Zheng Hai offers her all of his drinks and snacks before he takes any for himself. Our local guide Howard has nicknamed him "The Gentleboy" for his chivalrous behavior. Xuanxuan worships him and copies his every move. So far, we have only heard her laugh in imitation of him.

Although it seems like an eternity, in this first moment of quiet I can realize that we have won a lot of ground in these first 50 hours. We met with heavy fire right from the beginning, taking losses in our inexperience. But even in the first afternoon we passed landmarks. When we had to leave the hotel for official business, Xuan held my hand as we walked. When I had to sit for a registration photo Xuanxuan followed me to my seat rather than stand alone. And once when she cried that evening she allowed me to hold her. The next morning, waiting to change money at the bank, Xuan and Hai played. Almost exactly 24 hours after the first explosion, we sat in a hotel lobby waiting for a fax to go through. Chris showed Xuanxuan pictures of herself on the digital camera and she smiled her first devilish grin at him.

Forty eight hours in, we were waiting at the passport office in Qingdao. Both children had resumed normal excretory functions and finally eaten a full meal. Xuan fell asleep in Chris' arms as they sat in front of an offical. Hai had already called Maria "Mama" although he still preferred "Pee" (which apparently is a Chinese slang word that means "Your tongue is so fat you can't speak").

The kids give the rest of strength. We cannot back down in the face of their courage. While Hai uses humor and naughty behavior as a defense, Xuan remains stoic and withdrawn. She refuses to relinquish control and sets her own terms whenever she can. She loves her foster mom intensely and is singleminded in her determination not to be distracted from her loss. Xuan faces us with a spine of steel and a face of stone. She bravely fights her tears unless she can spike them with rage. It takes a tremendous toll on her though, and at night and naptime she sleeps like a rock.

Her foster mom left her with a carved peach pit anklet. Howard says that it is meant to provide fire, which is weaker in her horoscope. He does not know what her dominant element is, but no horoscope is needed to know with certainty that it is earth. This little girl is strong and grounded, immovable as a mountain, even if she is only three feet tall.

I haven't seen her truly happy yet. But when I do, I do not expect her to sparkle like the sunlight through the trees. Rather, I expect her to shine like the luster on piece of imperial jade. Which is why the passport that we applied for today will bear the name Xuan Giada Moses.

Gotcha Day

We met Xuan at the Crown Plaza Hotel in Jinan at 2:30 on Sunday, July 29th, 2007. On that day in Jinan the temperature was hot, with high humidity and raging thunderstorms.

Crystal Ball, or A Hat of a Different Color

Since I've been to Beijing before, I am going to let Chris tell you about it from his perspective as a first time visitor. But I will tell you one story. Before we left, Chris was worrying about which cap to bring. He could only find his white one with red and blue on it (too cheesily democratic) or one with a big red star on in (too suggestively communistic). I bet him a dollar that before we left Beijing, he would have a chance to buy a very appropriate knockoff Beijing Olympics 2008 cap. He finally found a different color hat to bring. Yesterday after our first breakfast in Beijing, our group met in the lobby and headed out to the bus, which was parked 20 feet from the ostentatious front door. Before we could reach the bus, we were accosted by at least three hawkers selling commemorative 2008 Olympics caps.

Okay, that's my bit on Beijing. What I'm much more interested in is the fact that we are probably going to meet Xuan in Jinan tomorrow. The weather forecast for Sunday, July 29 in Jinan is 85degrees F with 86% humidity and scattered thunderstorms. That proves that sometimes in real life, as in the movies, the weather mirrors the emotional state of the characters involved. If only there was a weather satellite that could predict whether events would follow Hollywood conventions as neatly as it predicts the weather orI predict the availability of hawkers.

I’ve been obsessing for months, or maybe years, about what Xuan will be like. I classify names as suitable for certain categories but not others: extrovert, brainiac or girly-girl and wonder which one best describes her. At no time however has this question seemed more urgent than now, as we wonder how she will initially react to being thrown down the rabbit hole and landing in our universe. We know that we will love her unconditionally whatever kind of personality she has, we just wish we knew what to expect so that we could prepare for it. For lack of more concrete evidence, I’ve begun to look for clues wherever I may find them.

For example, Xuan was born in 2004, the Year of the Monkey. What does that mean? According to Wikipedia, monkeys are quick-witted, creative, charming and generally honest, but with a mischievous and selfish side that can make life difficult for those around them.

Her birthday is June 5. That makes her a Gemini. I had to look that one up too. Wiki didn’t have much to say on Geminis, except that the sign is opposite Sagittarius, which is my sign. I don’t know if that is supposed to be good or bad. But another web page identified positive Gemini traits as: Mental Brilliance, Diplomacy, Vivacity, Enthusiasm, Tact, Cheerfulness, Witty and Versatile and negative one of Prevaricative, Indecisive, Lazy and Untidy. Hmm, surprisingly consistent with monkeys.

Last week I even caught myself reading a Birthday Color book. This was a completely new one, but the description on my birthday’s page was accurate, and printed in my favorite color. Chris’s page was too. So we looked up June 5 and saw the color green, which matches her Chinese “lucky stone.” It said she was energetic and positive with an attractive and sparkly personality. But she needed to work on consistency and organization.

As a firm unbeliever in astrology and superstition (except for St. Christopher of course) I was surprised at the consistency between these three accounts. But before I start developing parenting strategies for an extroverted, energetic little girl with a wicked sense of humor, I should add that after looking up June 5 we also looked up the colors for Chris’ mom and sister and could find no similarities to their personalities at all. Fellow Geminis are John Wayne and Paul McCartney, who are so very much alike. And I don’t know enough about the Chinese zodiac to add any debunking details here, but the fact remains that she is just as likely to be a shy, slow-moving little girl inclined to adhere to concrete moral standards without reference to the particulars of a situation. Which would make her just like her mother.

From Takeoff to A Room With A View

Wednesday, July 25, 2007
The Plan:
8AM Leave home
9AM Drop off Yatsu at Bone-a-Fide
10 AM Meet Chris Remington for ride to the airport
11AM Arrive SeaTac Airport
Pass through security
Shop Duty Free for officials’ gifts
2:50 PM Flight 7 on NW Airlines departs (flight time 10 hrs 15 mins, distance 4,776 mi)

Wednesday, July 26, 2007
5:05 PM Arrive Tokyo-Narita Airport
6:25 PM Flight 11 on NW Airlines departs (flight time 3 hrs 55 mins, distance 1,313 mi)
9:20 PM Arrive Beijing Airport
Meet Guide (Charlotte)
Transfer to Wangfujin Grand Hotel
Sleep.

The Event:
Before we left, Remy wished us an uneventful trip. Apparently his blessings count for something, because this is about how it went. A short delay at takeoff was made up on the way to Narita, the AC was too cold on the second flight, and the video failed on the Narita-Beijing leg of the flight, so I never got to find out if Jasmeet married parent-approved Arjun or stuck with her English boyfriend in the Bollywood movie Namaste London as a result. But I did learn that Blades of Glory is Will Ferrell's best movie ever; you can really train animals to do anything (102 Dalmations, live action); Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz made a statement on American foreign policy while wearing corsets, trick riding and robbing banks in Bandidas, and Garden State really was a good indie movie.

Our hotel abuts the hutongs and our room has a view of the Forbidden City. Unfortunately, we can't find the camera connection cable, so there won't be any pictures.

From Takeoff to A Room

Listo!

One of the drawbacks to being well read is that you never get to express yourself directly. Whatever you are feeling, you know somebody else has already said it better than you could. For example; every time I prepare to travel, I go through a fear phase. I worry about what I'm going to miss at home, what could go wrong on the trip, whether the plane will crash or some third world bus will jump off a cliff with me in it. Sometimes fleeting, sometimes intense, this fear lifts anywhere from a few days before I leave to a few days after. When it does, I find that I am a different person than when I'm at home. People who meet the traveler-me see a person who is more confident, adventurous and outgoing than the person folks at home would recognize. Part of the reason I love to travel is because I love spending time with the traveler version of myself.

Every time I pass through my pre-departure fear, I am reminded of For Whom the Bell Tolls, in which Hemingway described the phenomenon better than I ever could. On the eve of battle, one of the Spanish fighters thinks back to life in his pre-war village and remembers his fame in the annual bullfight. He had been a local celebrity for his reckless courage in the bullring, having once even bitten off the ear of a bull. What no one else knew was the fear he felt every single time the annual bullfight approached. He was relieved when the festival was canceled because of rain. In fact, he prayed for rain every year. But on the day of the festival, acting against every impulse in his heart, he always entered the bullring and became a different man, stronger and better than his everyday self.

I don't know if Chris has this experience or not. I'm pretty sure he doesn't meditate on Hemingway, but he at least has a good sense of narrative. This morning we walked down to The Dish for breakfast. It was a lovely walk down, we were served a delicious meal and we were quite relaxed until the toddler at the next table started screaming. And screaming. And screaming. We tried to ignore it and enjoy our breakfast. But after watching me cringe for several minutes (that noise really does top fingernails on chalkboard) Chris commented, "It's just like foreshadowing in a novel. It's quite literary, really."

Foreshadowing of terrors to come it may have been, but for me, sometime yesterday the fear lifted and the traveler stepped into the ring. I'm ready to go.

Captain's Log

The expedition leaves tomorrow, and throughout the camp there is an air of tension. The animals, perhaps sensing that they will not be included in the next leg of the journey, are anxious and require more attention than usual. The camp will be maintained in our absence by a few trusty colleagues, who will care for the smaller animals and botanical specimens. The dog will leave with us tomorrow morning, but will travel only a short distance. He will be left at the Bone-a-Fide Dog Ranch, where we will change directions and set a course for the airport.

It will be a relief upon our return to find the camp intact and all of the animals well, for I am quite attached to them, and it pains me to leave them behind. But for now I must turn my thoughts forward to the expedition. It has been many years since this partnership engaged on a project involving such distances, and never have we undertaken a mission of such significance. Our plans are well laid, the support team is experienced and the intrepid Mrs. Dao has gone ahead to scout the trail. Yet we will both be required to perform our best under adverse and unpredictable conditions for we are chasing a prize greater than Lewis and Clark could have dreamed.

We depart in less than twenty-four hours, but much remains to be done. Supplies are all in, but not prepared for transport. The camp is scattered with packages and the debris of preparation. It is only past experience that allows me to believe such a mess will in a few short hours collapse itself into four or fewer cases, plus one bag each to carry upon our person. I check and cross check multiple lists to ensure nothing is forgotten. We will be able to restock many items along the way, but there will be no turning back for anything that is left behind. My partner Chris, though less systematic in his approach, is also busy pulling together loose ends. I do not discern the method to his exertions; still I know from long years of our work together that in the end he will be the better prepared of the two of us.

Although the task at hand is immense, there is no doubt that we will obtain our objective. Compounded with our nervous fears is also excitement and we are anxious to begin. By this time tomorrow we will be well on our way, and then all will be well.

Lucky Charms

I first heard about St. Christopher as a high school student listening to a heavy metal album by The Bulletboys. It contained a song with the lyrics, “Hang on St. Christopher on the passenger side, open it up, tonight the devil can ride.” It was years before I found out that the line belonged to Tom Waits, but like a good Catholic-school girl I looked up St. Christopher right away. I found out that Christopher was a ferryman with very little personal history whose primary miracle was carrying a baby Jesus across a river even though the baby weighed as much as the sins of the world. In the middle ages, it was believed that a traveler could not die on the road in any day in which he set eyes on the image of St. Christopher.

When I first read about him, I wondered why a ferryman would agree to carry an unaccompanied toddler across a river. Apparently, in 1969 the Catholic church started to wonder about that too. Added t0 the fact that there is no evidence he ever existed, they reclassified Saint Christopher’s feast day, July 25, as a “local commemoration.” I took a liking to the demoted patron saint of travelers. When I found that in some traditions St. Christopher had the head of a dog, I could only like him more.

On my first major backpacking trip I found a Saint Christopher medallion in a flea market in Mumbles, Wales. Even though he had a beard and not a dog’s head, I bought it for three pounds. I put it around my neck, and didn’t take it off until I got home. Since then, I have worn my St. Christopher on every international trip I’ve taken, except for one time when I forgot St. Chris at home and ended up running away from that job in Japan.

A “jade” bead wrapped in silver wire shares the chain with St. Christopher. At the night market in Chiang Mai I spotted the little piece of jade among a bunch of crap on a table on the sidewalk. They were asking 300 baht. Fresh from India, I aggressively bargained the seller down to 80 baht. Proud of my prowess, I strung the auspicious bead on Christopher’s chain and continued down the street.

Three doors down, I entered a bead shop where I saw my new silver-wrapped bead in a bin with dozens of its kind marked 30 baht each. Now I wear it to remind me that saints’ powers of protection are limited and a traveler needs to watch out for herself. But also, since thirty baht was worth about forty-five cents, it reminds me not to take myself or my travels too seriously. When you travel, you make mistakes, and things go wrong, and it doesn’t really matter that they do.

This morning I put my lucky charms around my neck so I’d have one less thing to think about when I leave for the airport on Wednesday. This year, I’m doing St. Christopher’s feast day right, and I don’t want him to miss out.

Hang on St Christopher- we’re going for a ride.

DTC

The time has come the new mom said

To talk of many things

Of Xuan and trips and dossiers and calendars and fees.

Gemma With Confirmation Letter

Something about having children makes people start to memorize dates. Before children, most people are unlikely to remember the date
of major life events. Can you remember what date you closed on your first house? The date you met your future spouse? The date on which you broke your leg? When you are young, you only memorize the dates of significant historical events in history, and only in history class.

But parenthood, apparently, turns life events into significant historical events. You can ask a new mother the date she discovered she was pregnant, or ask a grandmother what her due date was when she was pregnant with her now-grown child, and the odds are she will remember.

This is as true for adoptive parents as it is for biological ones, although the dates they remember may be different. The two most frequently discussed dates among adoptive parents are DTC and Gotcha Day. Gotcha Day is fairly obviously named. It is the day when you finally take custody of your new child. Our Gotcha due date is July 29.

DTC is less obvious. It is the acronym for Dossier-To-China. Your DTC date is the day on which the Chinese Center for Adoption Affairs (CCAA) in Beijing logs your completed application for adoption into their system. While pregnant couples measure their lives against the days remaining till their due date, waiting adoptive parents measure their lives in days (or months) since DTC. Our DTC date was July 12, 2006.

In honor of the one year anniversary of our DTC, and our new historically significant status, here is a list of important dates in the timeline of events in the adoption of Xuan. For all of you non-parents out there, there will be a test later.

Date: Event:

June 5, 2004 ..................Xuan born in Shandong Province

June 8, 2004 ..................Xuan in custody of Qingdao Children’s Welfare Institute

November 26, 2004......Gemma’s 30^th b-day qualifies C&G for Chinese adoption

C&G first meet with Mrs. Dao to discuss adoption

January 30, 2005..........Submit Letter of Intent to Adopt

July, 2005.......................Overwhelmed homestudy, ignore paperwork

October, 2005.................Resume Homestudy

December 23, 2005........Complete Homestudy

April, 2006.......................Submit Dossier to Faith International Adoptions

Begin I-600A Immigration Documentation

Dossier returned for corrections and updates

June 31, 2006...............Submit Dossier to Faith International Adoptions, again

July 12, 2006.................DTC

February 22, 2007........Called Faith to Investigate Special Needs Program

Received Information about Zheng Xuan

February 26, 2007 ........Submitted Letter of Intent to Adopt Zheng Xuan

March 5, 2007................Translated Notarized & Authenticated Letter of Intent to China

April 19, 2007.................Received request for more information from CCAA

April 24, 2007.................Additional information mailed to Chinese Consulate in SF

May 14, 2007..................Translated Notarized & Authenticated Additional Information

hand delivered to CCAA

June 7, 2007.....................Received Confirmation Letter permitting adoption of Xuan

June 12, 2007..................Signed Confirmation Letter returned to China

July 5, 2007.....................Received Travel Approval

July 25, 2007...................Couple Leaves Seattle

July 29, 2007...................Anticipated Gotcha Day

August 6, 2007................Appointment at US Consulate in Guangzhou

August 9, 2007................Family Returns Seattle

Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time, in a kingdom far away, a little girl was born. To be precise, the time was June 5, 2004, and the kingdom was Qingdao, People's Republic of China. For reasons that will forever remain unknown, her parents could not keep her. Three days after she was born, they wrapped her in a blanket, lay her down at the edge of a wheat field, and then walked away. We may speculate on who they were, and how they felt at that time, and whether they called her by name in their memories. But we do not know those answers, and this is not their story.

This is the story of the little girl who was found by the farmer who worked in the wheat field. She was small, even for a newborn, and she had a large gap in the roof of her mouth and her top lip had three parts instead of one. The farmer could not have known by looking at her that she would be the heroine of a great adventure. But like Moses in his basket, or Taran the High King of Prydain on the edge of a battlefield or Lyra on the steps of Oxford, this seemingly hopeless beginning was just the beginning.

Her first adventure would take place at the age of three, when she would travel the length of China and cross a great ocean to live in an exotic foreign land. But first, like Oliver Twist, she was taken to an orphanage, where she was given a name. Unlike Oliver, her fortunes began to improve immediately, and she was given the name Xuan, Precious Jade.

It was not long before Precious Jade was sent to live with a family. To be precise, it was four months. The mother of this family treated her very well, and fed her the fruit that she loved. The girl grew quickly, and became strong and healthy. She learned to crawl and then to walk and finally she learned to talk. She learned to play outside and play with toys and she became attached to her foster mother, who was a very interesting woman. She was very kind to Xuan, but she could not keep her forever. We might wonder why this is so, but we do not know the answer, and this is not her story.

When she was twenty months old, Xuan was sent to a hospital, and a doctor performed surgery on her lip. After that, it was much easier for everyone to see that she had a very pretty face. At this time, Xuan's story had begun to be quite pleasant. But it was also at this time that her story began to be interesting, although she herself did not know it.

All of the information about Xuan's life was put together in an envelope and sent to a kingdom across the sea, where a childless couple lived and yearned for a little girl to call their own. They saw the picture of Xuan, and read the story of her life so far, and knew that she was the child they had been waiting for. They sent a petition to the Chinese officials in charge, and begged to be allowed the honor of caring for Xuan. At last, their petition was granted. They hurriedly packed their bags and left their home to cross the sea to reach their Precious Jade. To be precise, it was July 25, 2007. And that is when things became really interesting, because that is when the adventure truly began.