Listo!

One of the drawbacks to being well read is that you never get to express yourself directly. Whatever you are feeling, you know somebody else has already said it better than you could. For example; every time I prepare to travel, I go through a fear phase. I worry about what I'm going to miss at home, what could go wrong on the trip, whether the plane will crash or some third world bus will jump off a cliff with me in it. Sometimes fleeting, sometimes intense, this fear lifts anywhere from a few days before I leave to a few days after. When it does, I find that I am a different person than when I'm at home. People who meet the traveler-me see a person who is more confident, adventurous and outgoing than the person folks at home would recognize. Part of the reason I love to travel is because I love spending time with the traveler version of myself.

Every time I pass through my pre-departure fear, I am reminded of For Whom the Bell Tolls, in which Hemingway described the phenomenon better than I ever could. On the eve of battle, one of the Spanish fighters thinks back to life in his pre-war village and remembers his fame in the annual bullfight. He had been a local celebrity for his reckless courage in the bullring, having once even bitten off the ear of a bull. What no one else knew was the fear he felt every single time the annual bullfight approached. He was relieved when the festival was canceled because of rain. In fact, he prayed for rain every year. But on the day of the festival, acting against every impulse in his heart, he always entered the bullring and became a different man, stronger and better than his everyday self.

I don't know if Chris has this experience or not. I'm pretty sure he doesn't meditate on Hemingway, but he at least has a good sense of narrative. This morning we walked down to The Dish for breakfast. It was a lovely walk down, we were served a delicious meal and we were quite relaxed until the toddler at the next table started screaming. And screaming. And screaming. We tried to ignore it and enjoy our breakfast. But after watching me cringe for several minutes (that noise really does top fingernails on chalkboard) Chris commented, "It's just like foreshadowing in a novel. It's quite literary, really."

Foreshadowing of terrors to come it may have been, but for me, sometime yesterday the fear lifted and the traveler stepped into the ring. I'm ready to go.