Today is the first day that I have been on a computer since the business center at the White Swan. Xuanxuan is sometimes precious and sometimes terrible, but especially now that we are home with the dog, she requires four eyes watching her at all times. Most days I prefer to join her when she naps instead of using the time to get caught up on housework or email. Bringing home a grieving three year old is not the same as bringing h0me a baby, and she keeps us on our toes at all times. Sorry folks, but returning your call or email is about number 37 on my list of things to do.
Right now, we seem to be on a three to four day grief cycle. For three or four days, things will go relatively smoothly with signs of "progress" each day. Then we'll have one terrible day full of tantrums and grief where nothing we do seems right and everything she does is spiteful. Yesterday was one of these days, and so was last Sunday. Sunday was the worst since the first day we met her. I kept reminding myself that we had only known each other for fifteen days. They were such an intense fifteen days that it was easy to forget how new the relationship is.
But Monday, the sixteenth day since we met Xuan, was golden. We didn't have a single tantrum all day (well, except for the requisite tears at bath time). She ate a vegetable. I got my first hug and she actually participated in bedtime kisses instead of obediently offering a cheek.
The rest of the week had its hits and misses, but never a dull moment. Some of the advances were more fun than others (yea, we have separation anxiety now). But she has really started mimicking us and trying out the English words. All fruit is banana, all cats are Shampoo. She has started saying "Wo am hungry" when she wants food. Chris is getting used to being called mama in public (she can't pronounce the letter B, so baba becomes mama. We are starting to be able to hear the tonal difference). It's hard for us to keep her busy all day, especially since her attention span is even shorter when she's sad, and she has such a knack for destruction. Everything in our house is new to her, and hence fair game for her dissecting curiousity. She passes through like a hurricane, and since she's exploring limits now too, any forbidden thing becomes an object of obsession. The last two days I've wondered if she thinks we are changing her name to "Bu yao" (no no).
Yesterday we added new fish to the tank and took her to her first toy store. Wednesday we went to the zoo. Once she let me carry her half a block home after she hurt herself. She watched Mulan in Mandarin with rapt attention and clapped at the end of the training sequence. She danced to the musical numbers in Bride in Prejudice. She loves to go on car rides with the windows down and headbangs to Fu Manchu. Last weekend she learned how to climb up the slide by herself. This morning she got her first time out when she pushed Oscar (the cat) off the stair landing, and afterwards she used hand signals to show that she understood what had just happened.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Saturday, August 4, 2007
Who's That Girl?
The laptop got infected by a worm, so now I'm using the very expensive business center at the White Swan Hotel in Guangzhou and I'll try to be quick. On the third day, we met a new little girl. After breakfast, Xuan found the rubber ball that Chris uses for his back and we started playing catch. It was the first time she smiled at us, or played with us, without Zheng Hai. After that, things have improved by leaps and bounds, and we are starting to get to know the everyday Xuanxuan.
Xuan likes to play ball and climb things. She is physically adventurous in her play. She loves airplanes, trucks and boats, the bigger and faster the better. She likes waitresses in red silk cheongsam. She likes telephones and cameras. She likes looking at pictures of herself. My daughter's favorite food is a processed meat stick that you squeeze out of a tube like an otter pop. Her second favorite food is sausage. She loves to dance and specializes in ballet and a punk-like bouncing. She squealed with delight when she saw the snowboarders go airborne on TV. Chris was so proud he almost cried.
She does not like being restrained in any way, taking a bath, brushing her teeth or being picked up without her permission. Experienced parents in our group have assured us that she will be a handful. She certainly has a big personality.
Xuan is a big flirt and will smile and show off to anyone who talks to her, especially if they speak Mandarin. Everyone who meets her is charmed. She is a natural actress. When she doesn't like what is going on, she convincingly asks to go to the bathroom. She is very fastidious in her toilet habits and has had only one accident this week. Several times while playing monster she acted so frightened that we stopped, only to have her laugh at us for being such suckers. She is proving true to the comment of the orphanage worker who told us, "Xuan has always cried easy and laughed easy." Fortunately, her tantrums seldom last more than a minute, and half the time I think they are faked. We have called her bluff several times in the last two days and found that she is actually quite compliant if we don't back down after two or three good screams.
Yesterday was the first day since we met that we did not have to spend at least 5 hours waiting in government offices or in transit. We got to spend several hours in the playroom of the hotel and Chris spent half the afternoon with her by himself and they had lots of fun (she had been snubbing him since the day she started calling me mama). We didn't have a single temper tantrum all day. She only cried twice- once when she was scared at the doctor's office and once when she tripped and fell on her face. She didn't do a single embarrassing thing at dinner and impressed everyone in our group with her amazing dexterity using forks and glasses at the table. That was our first good day. Today promises to be similar, as she has begun to be very affectionate towards me. She is still a little standoffish to Chris, but he is her preferred play partner.
Note to grandmas- she is a 3T, but will be a 4T soon. The puffy pants that are made to fit over diapers are too big. Shoe sizes are not standardized here, so I don't know what she wears. She has sandals labeled 25, 26 and 27.
Xuan likes to play ball and climb things. She is physically adventurous in her play. She loves airplanes, trucks and boats, the bigger and faster the better. She likes waitresses in red silk cheongsam. She likes telephones and cameras. She likes looking at pictures of herself. My daughter's favorite food is a processed meat stick that you squeeze out of a tube like an otter pop. Her second favorite food is sausage. She loves to dance and specializes in ballet and a punk-like bouncing. She squealed with delight when she saw the snowboarders go airborne on TV. Chris was so proud he almost cried.
She does not like being restrained in any way, taking a bath, brushing her teeth or being picked up without her permission. Experienced parents in our group have assured us that she will be a handful. She certainly has a big personality.
Xuan is a big flirt and will smile and show off to anyone who talks to her, especially if they speak Mandarin. Everyone who meets her is charmed. She is a natural actress. When she doesn't like what is going on, she convincingly asks to go to the bathroom. She is very fastidious in her toilet habits and has had only one accident this week. Several times while playing monster she acted so frightened that we stopped, only to have her laugh at us for being such suckers. She is proving true to the comment of the orphanage worker who told us, "Xuan has always cried easy and laughed easy." Fortunately, her tantrums seldom last more than a minute, and half the time I think they are faked. We have called her bluff several times in the last two days and found that she is actually quite compliant if we don't back down after two or three good screams.
Yesterday was the first day since we met that we did not have to spend at least 5 hours waiting in government offices or in transit. We got to spend several hours in the playroom of the hotel and Chris spent half the afternoon with her by himself and they had lots of fun (she had been snubbing him since the day she started calling me mama). We didn't have a single temper tantrum all day. She only cried twice- once when she was scared at the doctor's office and once when she tripped and fell on her face. She didn't do a single embarrassing thing at dinner and impressed everyone in our group with her amazing dexterity using forks and glasses at the table. That was our first good day. Today promises to be similar, as she has begun to be very affectionate towards me. She is still a little standoffish to Chris, but he is her preferred play partner.
Note to grandmas- she is a 3T, but will be a 4T soon. The puffy pants that are made to fit over diapers are too big. Shoe sizes are not standardized here, so I don't know what she wears. She has sandals labeled 25, 26 and 27.
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