Sleeping Beauty

I read a dog training book once that included a picture of a dog squatting to poop. The caption read, "To those who have struggled to housebreak their dogs, a dog pooping in the right place is a beautiful sight." If difficulty is a measure of beauty, then the sight of Xuan Xuan asleep in her bed at the foot of ours is a wonder.

It can take up to an hour to get her down for a nap, which often ends in something resembling night terrors only an hour later. Bedtime can often stretch out even longer. In one recent week there were two nights in which she woke every hour and one in which she woke (or woke us) on average every 25 minutes. I don't think she has ever finished a whole night in her own bed.

But the beauty of Xuan Xuan sleeping is more than just the satisfaction of a successful bedtime, or even the prospect of a well rested child the next day (which is truly glorious). Because Xuan Xuan awake is a handful, a pistol, a firecracker, a worthy adversary, a force of nature. Asleep, her face relaxes completely. Her mouth opens just enough to show tiny round teeth, and she is none of those things. Asleep, she is just a little girl. When she is sleeping I can watch a little girl who trusts and needs me more than anyone else in the whole world (although she likes Chris better).

When Xuan Xuan is asleep it is quiet. I sit in stillness and focus on her face as a mandala. In the minutes before she awakes or I fall asleep myself, I look into the face of love.